Best Quotes by Josh Gondelman

When you’re confined to a hospital bed, there aren’t many appointments you can make. You await visits from friends and family members. You enjoy the coconut ice cream they smuggle in. You tolerate the erratic and invasive visits of doctors and nurses, hoping that one of them will bring you closer to going home.

Josh Gondelman

Often, when I leave the house, I dress for comfort. On my better days, I shoot for ‘matching.’

Josh Gondelman

I try to be kind, and I try to reflect that in my comedy, but I’m also incredibly bad at being mean. I can’t pull it off effectively, so I always end up reverting back to politeness.

Josh Gondelman

I drink iced coffee nearly every morning and many afternoons year-round.

Josh Gondelman

Even under the best circumstances, speaking at your own wedding ceremony is a high pressure endeavor. What even constitutes a vow? I always picture them as exclamations you bellow at the sky.

Josh Gondelman

I was a weirdo, but a well-liked weirdo.

Josh Gondelman

A vest, as a clothing item, always makes a statement, but depending on context, those declarations vary a great deal.

Josh Gondelman

The thing they don’t tell you about a Tough Mudder is that, for all the adrenaline pumping and barbed-wire-bicep-tattoo sporting, a lot of the day is fairly idyllic and contemplative. I hadn’t spent so much time jogging through the woods in years – or ever.

Josh Gondelman

A vest is just a totem reminding you that some people dress well, and you can be one of those people.

Josh Gondelman

I love Boston, and I had a very lovely childhood in Massachusetts.

Josh Gondelman

‘Are you sure you’re going to be warm enough?’ is a question I get a lot.

Josh Gondelman

I don’t court haters. I don’t thrive on people not liking things that I do. I treat people the way I want to be treated.

Josh Gondelman

When you’re hot, you stride confidently down the street, extending your form to hail a taxi to take you from place to place. My body is designed for squeezing into packed subway cars and apologizing to those whose feet I clumsily step on.

Josh Gondelman

I’m skinny, but a soft skinny. I have strong legs, but my arms are like pea pods with single peas for elbows.

Josh Gondelman

A standup set ends on a buildup of tension and subsequent release for a big laugh.

Josh Gondelman

Toughing out the winter is a dedication to my heritage, both in terms of not going ‘soft’ by kowtowing to nature’s volatility and staying physically close to my family in New England. I don’t run from that kind of pressure.

Josh Gondelman

I grew up in the Boston suburbs and inherited a stubborn New England refusal to acknowledge frigid temperatures.

Josh Gondelman

In my early years doing standup, I bombed a lot.

Josh Gondelman

For many comedians, two common anxiety triggers include performing in front of family members and doing brand new material.

Josh Gondelman

Nonresidents have a tendency to rush their visits to Harlem.

Josh Gondelman

I think the term ‘Twitter comedian’ can seem like a pejorative because it’s not a job, really, and there’s such a low barrier for entry to get started.

Josh Gondelman

I don’t want to have to be a teacher so I can be a comedian.

Josh Gondelman

I feel like, in Boston, I was a little too complacent. I could get on stage when I wanted. I didn’t feel like I was pushing myself. I could get work in New England and not have to travel too much.

Josh Gondelman

I tweeted that Tom Brady’s politics are ‘garbage,’ which may have been hyperbolic.

Josh Gondelman

I like to see my parents, and they like it when I’m around.

Josh Gondelman

I had a Screech-from-‘Saved by the Bell’ kind of vibe in that I hung out with people and had friends while having, like, big, curly hair and being generally a dork.

Josh Gondelman

When I was young – like, young young – I would read all the time. I would read when I was walking places. My taste was, like, all over the place. I wouldn’t even call it taste. It was just like, what was there.

Josh Gondelman

I value niceness. But now, as a grown person, I value goodness above that. Because niceness doesn’t change anything, and goodness changes things.

Josh Gondelman

My mom worked as an education director.

Josh Gondelman

I live very gently.

Josh Gondelman

I’ve always been very un-fun. I’m a habit person. I have a very weak version of an addictive personality.

Josh Gondelman

Honest doesn’t necessarily mean unfiltered.

Josh Gondelman

I’m a big fan of saying the thing that is not necessarily sincere or earnest, but definitely honest.

Josh Gondelman

I usually think to do pep talks on Twitter if I’m on the road, at home and my girlfriend is out of town, or if I’m at home and up later then my girlfriend and our dog Bizzy – like, if they’re both asleep but I’m kind of wired.

Josh Gondelman

What I try to do, what I attempt to do, is say things that I mean at least at an emotional level.

Josh Gondelman

The Super Bowl is an occasion that’s really associated with abundance – lots of snacks, parties, spectacle – and so it would be great if there were also some kind of tradition of generosity attached to it as well.

Josh Gondelman

It’s a very lovely reputation to have – being a kind person. I try to live up to the fact that people think that about me.

Josh Gondelman

As a kid, I always loved Mel Brooks’ stuff – ‘The 2,000 Year Old Man’ record was something my dad put me onto.

Josh Gondelman

It would not occur to me to write a joke like, ‘This would be great if I was more like Andrew Dice Clay.’ It’s not the voice I write in – which is largely an extension of the voice in my head that I think in.

Josh Gondelman

Especially when I’m heckled, that’s a sticky situation because I don’t defuse it… I really envy guys who have a grittier onstage presence and can really go after someone. I used to teach preschool.

Josh Gondelman

I always loved jokes. It’s such a dumb, facile thing to say, but it’s true. I remember being a kid and getting those joke books from the Scholastic Book Club and loving comedy from a very young age.

Josh Gondelman

When I started out doing comedy, I was still in college and was working day jobs. I taught preschool for a few years. And then I got more into freelance writing. So stand-up has always been my primary independent creative mode of expression. I’ve done it my whole adult and young adult life.

Josh Gondelman

Why is it okay to write a work of literary fiction where horrible, explicit things happen, where you can’t write a book of humor where silly, explicit things are happening?

Josh Gondelman

I grew up in Stoneham, a little suburb of Boston. It’s pronounced ‘Stone ’em’ because Massachusetts doesn’t bend to the will of ‘how letters are supposed to be said.’

Josh Gondelman

I just loved jokes so much as a child. I remember wanting to perform at, like… age seven by reading from a kids’ joke book, and my parents being like, ‘That’s not what standup comedy is,’ and me being like, ‘Not yet it isn’t! I’m going to change the game.’

Josh Gondelman

I never assume anyone will see or like things I do, honestly!

Josh Gondelman

My general advice for writers/comedians is, make stuff you like and are proud of. Put it in a place where people can see it, whether that’s onstage or on the Internet or wherever. Just do the things that make you happy creatively, and then show them to people.

Josh Gondelman

I remember, when I was a kid, my dad would subscribe to the BMG Music Club, and we got that initial 12 CDs for a penny… I think it was cassettes. Eight CDs or 12 cassettes, something like that.

Josh Gondelman

I don’t resent at all people saying, ‘Oh, he’s like a sweetheart’… but within comedy, it’s a very funny way to talk about someone because it usually means they don’t have much of an act.

Josh Gondelman

I don’t consider myself a nerd; I consider myself a dork more. I’m closer to a dork, if anything, just because I’m not good at stuff. I’m more like a failed non-nerd.

Josh Gondelman

I like comedy that’s very specific and isn’t afraid to lose people through its specificity.

Josh Gondelman

There are very funny people who aren’t good at Twitter and people who are really good on Twitter where that’s the best or the only thing they do. There are some people I know that don’t write creatively outside of Twitter, but they’re so good at Twitter.

Josh Gondelman