Great Quotes from Adam Carolla

By | June 4, 2016

My first car was a motorcycle.

Adam Carolla

I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.

Adam Carolla

You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.

Adam Carolla

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

Adam Carolla

I get depressed at airports.

Adam Carolla

I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.

Adam Carolla

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.

Adam Carolla

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.

Adam Carolla

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

Adam Carolla

I think we’re getting to the point where everyone’s getting fat and everyone’s getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can’t walk from their front door to their car without a bottle of water in their hand because they have to hydrate every three and half steps.

Adam Carolla

I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

Adam Carolla

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.

Adam Carolla

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

Adam Carolla

The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

Adam Carolla

You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

Adam Carolla

If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

Adam Carolla

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

Adam Carolla

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.

Adam Carolla

No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.

Adam Carolla

I guess my feeling is is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.

Adam Carolla

I’m not a Republican.

Adam Carolla

I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.

Adam Carolla

The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.

Adam Carolla

It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

Adam Carolla

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

Adam Carolla

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.

Adam Carolla

I am not a good cue card reader.

Adam Carolla

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

Adam Carolla

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

Adam Carolla

I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.

Adam Carolla

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I’m just gonna tell her, ‘Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.’

Adam Carolla

There are certain things women are better at than men.

Adam Carolla

I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.

Adam Carolla

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.

Adam Carolla

I don’t know that I appreciate things more because of how I grew up, but I am very realistic with what I expect out of people and what they expect out of me.

Adam Carolla

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

Adam Carolla

I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.

Adam Carolla

Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.

Adam Carolla

All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

Adam Carolla

I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

Adam Carolla

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

Adam Carolla

I’m a comedian, not a politician.

Adam Carolla

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?

Adam Carolla

When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.

Adam Carolla

If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’

Adam Carolla

Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.

Adam Carolla

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

Adam Carolla

I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.

Adam Carolla

If the media isn’t slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

Adam Carolla

I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.

Adam Carolla

I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.

Adam Carolla

You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

Adam Carolla

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